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The iPodian Era

Somewhere after the Palaeozoic Era, but well before the Zumba Era, is the iPodian Era. An era of rock.  And quite a bit of pop.  Some jazz.  A little electronica.  A wide variety of substrata really....

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The Jungle Book: A Thematic Investigation

Let us examine ferality, trust, man-cubness, and more importantly, the Bare Necessities (not, in fact, available for purchase at the Bare Minerals store). Also: just what kind of immunizations are...

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Advice To A Humorist On Getting Published In Prestigious Places

1.  Be a man.  From Brooklyn.  Wiry.  Wry.  Single.  Bespectacled. 2.  The fedora or the skinny jeans?  BOTH. 3.  Now that you’re a man, your ovaries are like dangling participles.  Your pen just...

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She Don’t Need No Stinkin’ CNN!

Like that rose in Spanish Harlem, surrounded by the skyscrapers of other people’s needs, there is one smallish woman living without the light of international and domestic news. (She does get quite a...

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Patience

Motherhood is learned patience. For negotiating each moment with small, unwilling beings, you are a surfer waiting for the wave of capitulation, the majority of your time spent stalled on still water,...

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The Magic Kingdom

Gloria Estefan was wrong.  The rhythm isn’t gonna get you, it’s the magic – twinkling in the eye of the ticket-taker, poured into the cobblestones of Main Street, sitting smugly atop the Matterhorn. I...

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Open Letter To The Dude With 500 Bumper Stickers On His Car

Dear Dude With 500 Bumper Stickers On Your Car, I’m pretty sure that when you share that much information with a stranger, it’s called a blind date and after being stuck in traffic behind you, I’m...

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Time Management Jenga

As I wait upon the precipice of that god-awful wonderful milestone (walking: one small step for baby, fifty million for his mother), I prepare eulogies for chairs and meals and other things I won’t...

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I Am The Bra For You!

I am the bra for you! I’m a metal coat hanger twisted into the perfect shape to maul the general vicinity of your curves.  Available in lime and fuchsia and lime-fuchsia! Over here, honey, they call...

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She’s Trichy

Anytime I can work in a reference to Run DMC, I will.  Even if it has nothing to do with me rocking a rhyme or meeting girls. What it has to do with is me falling apart!  Fun!  I’ve talked before...

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Time Piece

I’ve been thinking a lot about Time lately.  My Time and Good Times and also just Time.  Normal, regular Time.  No adjectives Time.  As in:  How was your day?  Fine.  Not:  How was your day?  It was...

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The Two-Week Babysitter Cleanse

My life was feeling bloated.  Not the water-weight kind of bloated, but the kind of very slight excess you hold around the middle of your day and hide with baggy lies like “I use my free time to...

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The Art of No

The toddler has discovered NO.  True, he’s been saying it for a few months, but now he answers 75% of all questions with a deliberate refusal. It is amusing as a serious and thoughtful response to...

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I’m at The Huffington Post!

I don’t think I ever told you this, but I almost died this summer. On Hilton Head Island. No, it wasn’t during a rowdy game of mini-golf or a rowdy game of “How close can you get to the crocodile?” or...

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Metamorphosis

I am pet-resistant. This is a difficult thing to admit.  An un-American thing.  A cold-hearted bitch of a thing, but seeing as how I’m a cold-hearted bitch of a mom, you can understand, can’t you?...

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The Family Dinner

At both of my sons’ annual checkups, our pediatrician asked me the same question: “Do you have family dinners together?” At first I thought this was a coded question about the latest episode of...

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Creative Space

A few months ago, my husband bought me a book called Creative Confidence by Tom Kelley and David Kelley, heads of Stanford’s Design School, or d.school as it’s called.  Despite the fact that I...

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The Business Trip

A couple of weeks ago, I went on a business trip. As a double entrepreneur (co-founder of family / brick-layer of words), there’s nothing new about that.  I usually go on two business trips a year....

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The Circumstance Of Pomp

A couple of days ago, my oldest son graduated from preschool. I enjoyed a lovely commencement speech and sang along with the kids, “My life is a circle!  A never-ending circle!”  It was a totally...

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Naked and Afraid

One of my new favorite TV shows is “Naked and Afraid,” the survival show where one man and one woman must survive in the wilderness without clothes, food or water for 21 days. I like it for a lot of...

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